Awkward Day !!!

Today there is lots of tension......the moment i woke up i had the numb feeling on my chest .....the same feeling i had when i am about to check in for my surgery but that's a different story all together !!!...anyway i honestly feel like i wanna puke today i mean i really worried about my room mates.....seniors . i have enough of seniors last sem...(dumb peeps)....then again i am stuck with seniors...gosh i really wish the extra bed are empty ...duh like i really wanna see have naked seniors when ever i pass by..... n the stupid seniors that do not clean toilets ...damm i really hope this senior do not do the same coz i am SO gonna blow !!!......anyway i feel the numb feeling is coming back...i usually have dis feeling when ever i am unsure about my feelings or my inner thoughs .....god hope i don't lose it ! ...Times like this i usually keep to myself and usually don't like to sit under any lights .....( it sounds crazy but its just the way i am).....i usually get angry ...fast...real fast...little things can blow me up.....maybe this is y my mom says i am weird.....
Today i wore a skeleton chain and a black snake like ring ....my favorite.....and you know what my dad kept babaling ....saying that i am crazy and perhapes i was a wicked witch before dis life....can u believe that ..... hey i really like dark things coz they are nice to me .....i feel more comfortable with then anything else !!! My sis kept saying that perhapes if i am still at MGS perhapes i would be the meanest Goth person around......i mean i am not a goth....but i am more like goth in color......i know it sound funny but i can't wear all black and wear thick eyeliner coz : first : My babbling parents n sis
second : Coz i have sickness....(the eye thingy....don't wanna talk about)
I mean its not that i don't like god or anything its just that i feel empty inside....gosh really i am really confused .....i can't read or understand my own feelings!!!! i am so like LOST !!! i don't think i need help or anything ....its just that i hope to understand myself better......once my father wanted me to tell him how to load a software and change the settings ......so he used my PC account......when i opened my account ....he got a shock of his life....well i had a desktop picture that shows a skeleton in a torture chamber ... one of the skeleton hanging from a cage and where the sky is filled with black ravens !!! he told me i am crazy and told me to change the picture to something else....but duh like i would ......for me the picture looked Cool but for my sis ...it was sick.....i mean i only put it up coz it has cool 3D version so ....it looks slamming .....then the other day my sis my looking at my picture collection and said hey what is wrong with u ......ok in my picture collection i had like alot...of picture of the demons ..underworld creatures......dark lords.....devil...vampire and etc...(u get the picture)......she said i am so like the goth...and that my personality is like gothic's ......gosh i dunno ...i just like them...what's so wrong......and when i play quiz with my sis i always end up getting different from my sis ...she might get the goddie goddie....but mostly normal results ....where else i would get the lonely ......dark......lost.....confused.....evil........goddess of Chaos ...i mean am i really that different ...
there is another thing .......i usually wear a mask to cover or hide my about me...i am not the same person my fly n sis sees,......to my friends i intent to wear a funny serious but nice....helpful mask....sometimes i just can't help being myself..... that's when i get all moody and giddy i sometimes intent to snap at people alot to...gosh peeps i am really so sorry i did that ...its just that sometimes i really feel uneven.......!......today i just wore a mask to hide my real feeling coz i am actually feeling a bit depressed and angry .......really that's y i feel very numb today......
Then today morning, i was really glad chris showed up...coz i was really down...gosh chris thanks again for the nice chat n all....the quizez we did was really fun and hope we can do that again......and i have some of the quizez i did below......and ur sms to made me realized how much this friendship has been going on ...n hopes it never end........TQ again.....
oh yeah bytheway calling me D ...i don't mind at all .....i think it is sweet too......oh gee i wrote a lot .......ok lets see.....
http://quizilla.com/users/deadword/quizzes/What%20obsolete%20skill%20are%20you%3F/
http://quizilla.com/users/mechangel/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Soul%20Do%20You%20Have%20%3F/
http://quizilla.com/users/deadword/quizzes/What%20obsolete%20skill%20are%20you%3F/
http://quizilla.com/users/nyrata/quizzes/What%20kind%20of%20dark%20person%20are%20you%3F/
http://quizilla.com/users/Vincentsdream/quizzes/What%20Emotion%20Dominates%20you%3F%20/
http://quizilla.com/users/MissAnthropy/quizzes/What%20is%20Your%20Heart%20REALLY%20Made%20of%3F/
http://quizilla.com/users/SpazMatazz/quizzes/What%20element%20would%20you%20rein%20over%3F%20(For%20Girls)/
http://quizilla.com/users/ProlixFootle/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Social%20Entity%20are%20You%3F/
Here are the quizez u wanted and hope u get nice results......
and by the way this is the first time i wore alot and way too open about myself so if u read it don't tease me about it coz its a VERY VERY BAD idea.....i might just give u a black eye......ok thats all ....i gonna stop here
REally hope this sem i will do well and be more active in anything i do .....(fingers crossed)